I May Be Strange, But

"I may be strange, but, " is how I start many sentences, comments and long blowhard treatises that no one really wants to hear. So, when I make my comments about this next subject, I know I am most likely in the minority. Then again, if no one ever reads this, I am in the majority!

I hate Las Vegas. Waste of water in the desert is how I would explain it. OK, maybe I don't hate it, I just don't feel any interest in it and I don't understand why anyone would. It has a vibe that is not even close to natural.

First off, there are far better places in the world to find and have sex. So if the whores and strippers are what brings you to Vegas, we can agree to disagree. Just walking through the lobby of any one of the hotels makes me feel an urgent need to shower. Picking someone up in Vegas, or even paying for sex just strikes me as sad and kinda greasy. Sex is wonderful, sex is good; not everybody does it, but everybody should - just not in Las Vegas. (Thank you, George Michael.) As for gambling, I have nothing against it or the casinos. I understand vice; gambling is just not one of mine. If I were a gambler, I would still prefer better surroundings than Las Vegas.

The theme park atmosphere that has developed in the last ten or fifteen years is the thing that puts me off the most about Las Vegas. It is an overabundance of kitsch, plastic, food, drink, and junk in the fantasyland for adults. I lived in Orlando, I have to admit that. I had season's passes to Disney and Sea World, and I really enjoyed the parks. I enjoyed Canaveral National Seashore more, but I still enjoyed the theme parks. What is different, however, about the theme park atmosphere of Vegas is that, like a city in the desert, it is a facade.

The facade started as a cover for what made Las Vegas - greed and desperation. The filth needed to have a nice clean shine on it and, oh yeah, something for the kiddies, too. Nice expensive shops for the tourists, pretend canals and pirate ships and super-sized swimming pools that can be sectioned off as "family friendly". Of course, the topless pools and prostitutes and strippers are still there, too, they just got a nice facelift. A nice, clean, shiny, plastic and fun wrapping for a city that exists purely out of greed and desperation.

Why go to Paris when you can stay at the Paris Las Vegas right on the strip! You can partake of the all-you-can-eat gluttony at Le Village Buffet, or have a nice American steak at Les Artistes Steakhouse. So much more convenient than flying across the world to see the Eiffel Tower - you can get a room with a view of it from your minibar! And the souvenirs are so much better, too. Berets, t-shirts, and bedazzled fanny packs, oh my! With your daquiri, you can get a plastic cup with a straw that can be used over and over again - and it says Paris on it! Tres chic! You also don't have to worry about speaking the language when you ask directions to the nearest metro stop to the Arc de Triomphe - the hotel has its own right at the entrance! Phew - no walking though a historic city today! Let's go to the pool! And thank goodness (merci!) that the hotel has their own Louvre. I would hate to have visited Paris Las Vegas without enjoying some French culture. And my "armoire" has a tv with pay for view movies - I feel so....French! Josephine Baker would feel right at home, non?

I may be strange, but Las Vegas is stranger.