I May Be Strange, But

"I may be strange, but, " is how I start many sentences, comments and long blowhard treatises that no one really wants to hear. So, when I make my comments about this next subject, I know I am most likely in the minority. Then again, if no one ever reads this, I am in the majority!

I hate Las Vegas. Waste of water in the desert is how I would explain it. OK, maybe I don't hate it, I just don't feel any interest in it and I don't understand why anyone would. It has a vibe that is not even close to natural.

First off, there are far better places in the world to find and have sex. So if the whores and strippers are what brings you to Vegas, we can agree to disagree. Just walking through the lobby of any one of the hotels makes me feel an urgent need to shower. Picking someone up in Vegas, or even paying for sex just strikes me as sad and kinda greasy. Sex is wonderful, sex is good; not everybody does it, but everybody should - just not in Las Vegas. (Thank you, George Michael.) As for gambling, I have nothing against it or the casinos. I understand vice; gambling is just not one of mine. If I were a gambler, I would still prefer better surroundings than Las Vegas.

The theme park atmosphere that has developed in the last ten or fifteen years is the thing that puts me off the most about Las Vegas. It is an overabundance of kitsch, plastic, food, drink, and junk in the fantasyland for adults. I lived in Orlando, I have to admit that. I had season's passes to Disney and Sea World, and I really enjoyed the parks. I enjoyed Canaveral National Seashore more, but I still enjoyed the theme parks. What is different, however, about the theme park atmosphere of Vegas is that, like a city in the desert, it is a facade.

The facade started as a cover for what made Las Vegas - greed and desperation. The filth needed to have a nice clean shine on it and, oh yeah, something for the kiddies, too. Nice expensive shops for the tourists, pretend canals and pirate ships and super-sized swimming pools that can be sectioned off as "family friendly". Of course, the topless pools and prostitutes and strippers are still there, too, they just got a nice facelift. A nice, clean, shiny, plastic and fun wrapping for a city that exists purely out of greed and desperation.

Why go to Paris when you can stay at the Paris Las Vegas right on the strip! You can partake of the all-you-can-eat gluttony at Le Village Buffet, or have a nice American steak at Les Artistes Steakhouse. So much more convenient than flying across the world to see the Eiffel Tower - you can get a room with a view of it from your minibar! And the souvenirs are so much better, too. Berets, t-shirts, and bedazzled fanny packs, oh my! With your daquiri, you can get a plastic cup with a straw that can be used over and over again - and it says Paris on it! Tres chic! You also don't have to worry about speaking the language when you ask directions to the nearest metro stop to the Arc de Triomphe - the hotel has its own right at the entrance! Phew - no walking though a historic city today! Let's go to the pool! And thank goodness (merci!) that the hotel has their own Louvre. I would hate to have visited Paris Las Vegas without enjoying some French culture. And my "armoire" has a tv with pay for view movies - I feel so....French! Josephine Baker would feel right at home, non?

I may be strange, but Las Vegas is stranger.

Which Would You Rather?

This is a good game to play on a date. In my opinion, it is a great barometer for who the person sitting across the table from you really is. Of course, they could lie if they think they know what you want them to say. That deciphering is up to you.

Would you rather stay at the Venetian hotel in Las Vegas,

or, visit Venice, Italy?

Would you rather stay at the Orleans hotel in Las Vegas,

or, visit the French Quarter in New Orleans?

Would you rather stay at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas,

or, visit the Forum in Rome?

Would you rather stay at the Rio hotel in Las Vegas,

or, visit Rio de Janeiro?

Would you rather stay at the Stratosphere hotel in Las Vegas,

or, visit the Space Needle in Seattle?

Would you rather stay at the Tuscany hotel in Las Vegas,

or, visit the Tuscany area of Italy?

Would you rather stay at the Sahara hotel in Las Vegas,

or, visit the Sahara Desert?

Would you rather stay at the Luxor hotel in Las Vegas,

or, visit the Luxor site in Egypt to check out a sphinx or two?

Would you rather stay at the Excalibur hotel in Las Vegas,

or, visit Tintagel Castle in Great Britian, a proposed site of the Camelot Castle of Arthurian Legend?

Would you rather stay at the Imperial Palace hotel in Las Vegas,
or, visit the Imperial Palace in Tokyo?

Would you rather stay at the Paris hotel in Las Vegas,

or, visit the Eiffel Tower and Paris?

Would you rather stay at the New York New York hotel in Las Vegas,
or, visit NYC and the Statue of Liberty, a gift from France in 1886 to the USA?

Would you rather stay at the Treasure Island hotel in Las Vegas,

or, visit Dead Chest Island in the British Virgin Islands - the supposed setting that inspired the novel Treasure Island?